Sketch

Got this drawing from my lovely friend, Molly, after I asked (actually, forced) her to make one for me hehehe. So happyyyyyy. Yeay!!! Thank you, Molly.

Choose?

If it's not about love, then it's all about choices. It's okay to be the one you don't choose, to be the left when you pick the right, to be the night when you prefer the morning. I am good enough at smiling. Someone will choose me someday. Someone who doesn't have any other choice when he knows he wants me. Someone who makes me the only choice he has to choose. Someone who thinks that no one is equally compared to me. Someone who always walks in my right side when I'm in the left. Someone who spends all night long with me and hopes morning comes slowly.

Messages

This morning I woke up to hundreds WhatsApp messages, hahah got confused at first. But I'm really happy reading them all. I got so many messages from some contacts but most of them came from a group, about 300 messages. Others came from my other friends, about 20 messages. None of them said "good morning", "I love you", "what's are you doing?", or other sweet messages. I don't need any, btw. Those messages I received were about my friends' love stories. They told me about what was going on with them recently. Actually what they told me was not happy stories but they told me in a happy way. I couldn't help laughing. You know, I really love listening to other's stories. There's something I always get to learn from them. It's kinda entertaining as well. And so thankful every time my friends start telling me their personal life; mostly love life. I think when they tell me about it, they believe me enough to listen and keep their stories. They maybe feel comfortable to share their stories with me. And it's kinda pleasant to be the one they choose to share even when I don't share my stories with them. I'm too picky to choose the ones I share my stories with.

My other friend has different story. She lately tells me about her love story; a happy one. It makes me happy for her happiness. I'm so happy as well because she's happy even though I haven't made her and others happy because of my own happiness. Thank you for sharing your happiness, mate.

I didn't get any sweet messages like "I love you". I don't need any. Sending a lot of messages about their stories to me proves that they love me. Indeed.

Harapan, Gengsi, dan Gravitasi

Kamu tahu? Selain harapan, gengsi pun seharusnya mengenal gaya gravitasi agar ia terkena imbas dan tidak membumbung terlampau tinggi. Berharap itu manusiawi tapi hendaklah tidak terlalu tinggi yang akhirnya lepas dari jangkauan jemari. Berharaplah sewajarnya, yaitu yang sejalan dengan daya dan realita. Namun nyatanya hal buruk yang selalu aku lakukan adalah melesatkan harapan naik hingga tinggi meninggalkan yang lain. Aku harusnya membiarkan mereka seiring sejalan agar tidak seperti kita yang terbiarkan saling memunggung. Iya, gengsi pun seperti itu. Gengsi-gengsi oleh sebab ego diri sendiri yang terlalu berada di atas pada akhirnya akan membuat kita membiarkan banyak hal pergi. Apa gengsi yang terlalu tinggi dapat memberi arti selain hanya menyiksa diri? Kurasa tidak. Tapi ya bagaimana, nyatanya harapan dan gengsi tidak mengenal gaya gravitasi. Satu-satunya cara mejaga mereka tetap membumi adalah dengan menyandingkannya dengan daya dan realita. Daya dan realita yang melekat pada kamu yang tergravitasi.

Sekolahku yang Kucinta

25 Januari 2014

Judul di atas terbaca biasa saja. Cenderung berlebihan. Namun, jika kamu melalui masa SMA-mu di tempat yang sama denganku, kamu pasti tidak sekadar mebaca begitu saja. Kamu akan melantunkannya tanpa sadar. Iya, itu penggalan lirik Mars Doeta.

***

Balik lagi ke sekolah. Iya, ke SMA dulu. Berdua sama kawan lama yang semoga menjadi selamanya. Ini acara CGTS; Campus Goes to School. Ah, sebenarnya kurang peduli ada keriaan apa di sana. Ini lebih karena rindu yang menyeret kaki ini ke sana, ke tempat aku titipan segenggam kenangan. Segenggam kenangan yang tumpah ruah. Aku pijakkan lagi langkah-langkah kaki di lapangan conblock tapi tidak lagi dengan beralaskan sepatu hitam polos bertali. Selain aku enggan pakai sepatu begitu, aku beri kamu tahu, bahwa itu tidak harus. Aku sudah katakan, aku berdua pergi ke sana. Bukan untuk melebur bersama yang lain, tapi lebih untuk menyesap lagi apa-apa yang dulu sering kami lakukan. Kami berjalan ke sana ke mari mecari-cari sisa-sisa cerita yang berceceran. 

Tangga. Dulu kami senang duduk-duduk di anak tangga. Bersama yang lain juga, karena jika berdua pasti tidak seru. Tangga  itu tangga yang kami lalui sewaktu duduk di kelas sepuluh. Banyak juga cerita mengalun di atas anak-anak tangga hingga kami pikir itu perlu untuk mengambil gambar lagi di tempat itu. Ya, untuk sekadar nostalgia. 

DPR. Kamu tahu tidak DPR itu artinya Di bawah Pohon Rindang? Kamu sekarang tahu. Aku yakin. Dulu, di sana, di bawah pohon itu, angin-angin bergejolak menemani lantunan lagu-lagu diiringi petikan gitar. Iya, kami dulu sering melakukan itu selepas bel pulang sekolah. Kami tidak langsung pulang walaupun sebenarnya itu yang dianjurkan. Di sana juga, kami bertukar cerita. Aku rindu. Aku rindu melakukan hal itu. Ada tentram kala aku duduk bersila di atas conblock berlumut itu. Aku bahagia ketika aku tahu, aku bersama teman-teman. Tawa-tawa liar selalu menggelegar di bawah sana sebagai tanda kami bahagia. Aku rindu. Rindu yang begitu menggebu. 

Banyak lagi tempat yang sering aku singgahi dulu. Sedihnya, banyak yang sudah tidak bisa aku dapati lagi. Banyak renovasi. Banyak tempat yang hilang. Sederhananya bangunan sekolahku hanya tersisa sedikit. Sudah dibangun yang lebih bagus tapi buatku yang paling aku cinta adalah yang lalu. Sederhana. Bangunan tua. Ah, itu indah. Tiap Senin dulu sewaktu upacara bendera, sekolahku seperti sekolah di desa; bangunan tua tidak bertingkat, tiang bendera yang jauh menjulang melebihi tinggi bangunan, suara kereta melaju (sekolahku dekat dengan rel kereta). Namun kamu tahu, kenangan tidak akan bisa tergempur renovasi. Begitupun rindu ini. Tak habisnya ia walau tergempur waktu. Aku bahagia punya masa putih-abu seperti apa yang aku punya. Terimakasih.

Kamu tahu? Ini jalan samping. 

Ini namanya DPR. Ada dua. Bersebelahan. Aku lebih suka yang satunya. Tapi yang ini pun cukup menawan diri untuk duduk berlama-lama.

Aku berdua ke sana. Tidak pakai sepatu hitam polos bertali. Karena kami tidak mau dan itu tidak harus.

Ini tangga yang aku ceritakan. Masih begitu. Belum tergempur renovasi selain dicat ulang.

Ini kamu sudah tahu apa.

Ini aku di depan sekolahku.

Ini masih di daerah DPR yang aku agung-agungkan.

Itu di belakangku adalah bangunan lama yang aku bilang tua dan sederhana. Beruntung belum tergempur.

Ini tampang sekolahku sekarang tapi bukan tempat aku titipkan kenangan. Ini masih dalam tahap penyelesaian. Terpampang jelas conblock yang tersusun rapi. Banyak kisah duka dan suka bergulir di atasnya. Mulai dari MBS, acara 17an, latihan Paskibra, LDK, D'Sparted, dan banyak lagi. 

Kinds of Friend

"You always have at least one friend who always says "let's go" every time you ask them to go out at that very time but sadly, you also have many friends who say "yes" when you ask them to hang out a long time before the day but cancel it suddenly when the day comes. The rest say "In shaa Allah". | "Meh.. the rest are more like "okay terserah atur aja". 

*between Debby Ulfah and me*

Hujan Pukul 11

Ini hujan datang mentantang rindu untuk menjadi semakin matang. Ada yang lantang berteriak di kepala bahwa satu-satu cara yang paling berterima untuk menikmati hujan pukul 11 malam adalah dengan terlelap di atas bantal. Aku ingin bersaba ke sana, ke tempat mimpi berlalu lalang. Diiringi lagu Buckets of Rain lantunan Bob Dylan. Tentunya dengan rindu yang masih terpintal.

Taking Care

"Always taking care of yourself anytime and anywhere is the only way to make me not worry about you."

Union-Jack Bag

Call me "alay" or whatever you want for me taking this selfie picture. I really want to own this bag. Wait me, till next month!

Mendengar

Ketika rasa pilu bernama rindu singgah, aku terpanah tak berdaya. Rindu ini tak lebih hanya sekadar anak panah. Namun sayang, terbenam dalam di jantung. Tiada aku perbuat sesuatu ketika banyak yang seharusnya bisa aku lakukan. Iya begitulah aku analogikan rindu yang terlalu menumpuk seperti sampah ini. Pada malam yang tiada lagi sunyi oleh sebab bising di rongga kepalaku, aku berjalan mencari tahu apa kabar kamu. Lewat deretan kata, aku seperti mendengar kamu bercerita. Tanpa aba-aba, otakku memutar suaramu yang seolah-olah mengaudiokan potongan cerita yang kamu sajikan melalui kata tersebut. Rindu ini sedikit luruh terbawa alur cerita. Teruslah menulis karena itu satu-satunya cara supaya aku mampu terus mendengar ceritamu tanpa harus ada sapa.

Emptiness; Availability

Apa-apa yang tampak kosong belum tentu apa-apa yang mampu dijamah. Aku pergi ke sana, ke sebuah toko pakaian di suatu jalan di Kota Kembang. Aku melaju menerobos dinginnya angin musim hujan. Aku tak bisa menghindari sentuhan-sentuhan angin yang menggeliat di atas permukaan kulit tubuh yang tak telapisi. Aku dorong pintu toko. Berjejer di sana pakaian-pakaian jadi selera anak muda. Aku memilih duduk saja depan pintu. Duduk di salah satu bangku dari dua yang ada. Empuk. Nyaman. Aku lihat kaki-kaki melangkah ke sana ke mari. Aku lihat tangan-tangan menari menyibak pakaian. Aku juga lihat di depanku ada sebuah kursi lagi. Kosong. Tidak ada yang duduk di sana padahal semua yang di sana pasti tahu kursi kodratnya untuk diduduki. Aku temui di sana, kursi tak sendiri. Ada meja bersanding diam. Oh. Aku tahu. Itu kursi berbeda kodrat. Tidak ia dibeli oleh pemiliknya untuk diduduki. Namun, jikalau mau, pemiliknya boleh saja duduk di sana. Ada deretan kata memberi aku tahu bahwa kursi tersebut tidak boleh diduduki. Oh, bagian dari ornamen toko. Aku lalu menyusun kata dalam hati, "It's empty but it's not available." Aku kira konsep ini mirip dengan mereka-mereka yang sendiri. Untuk beberapa hal, mereka mereka memang sendiri tapi bukan berarti mereka bersedia didapatkan oleh sebagian dari kamu. Begitu.

Walking, Freezing

"Travelling on foot is always delightful as long as the universe conspires to make it so."

Two days ago, I decided to go to Bandung with my friend. It wasn't a shiny day but I guessed everyone loved the weather. My first destination was Belah Doeren on Trunojoyo street. We bought Pancake Duren and Duren Goreng. As a durian lover, I was really excited when my friend recommended that place to visit. I really loved the nice weather that day. My friend and I walked on foot from one street to another street. Bandung was so cold; 20° C. That kind of weather made us prefer walking on foot to taking any public transportation. After having that two kinds of durian food, we walked to BIP. In the way to BIP, we found a cilok seller and in a short time, we decided to buy it. We ate cilok while walking. Hahah I knew it wasn't good to eat while walking, but... I just loved doing it. We visited a bookstore at BIP and check some new novels. After about a half hour, we left the bookstore buying nothing. I got a new case for my cellphone, btw. I bought it from a street seller in front of BIP. It was so much cheaper than the old one of mine. After it, we had a bowl of spicy ramen. To get to the place, we, again, walked on foot. The glacial wind blew so fast touching my skin, so freezing. And I realized I wore the wrong outfits. Hahah.

The Grey Cardigan

In this photo below, I was wearing an up sized gray-cardigan. I wore this cardigan only for several times because I really love this stuff. I don't want this cardigan to get ghastly too fast. It's not because this cardigan was very expensive. I don't even know about the price and I don't care at all. What makes this cardigan so precious is the one who gave it to me. I got it free from a friend of mine when I was in senior high school. He was actually my junior high school friend as well. I was really interested to this cardigan when my friend was wearing it. I asked him to give the cardigan to me but he said no since he loved that cardigan too but I didn't give up asking for it. I said to him that if he didn't want to give it to me, let me borrow it and he said okay. Long time after that, I asked for the cardigan again for I had fallen in love with that cardigan so much since the first time I saw it. He still said no. One day, we had a talk about our plan after graduating from senior high school. We took the same test to be able to continue our study at STAN. At the same time, I had successfully passed the test to continue my study at UNPAD and he had also been accepted as medical student at UIN Jakarta. I said to him if he could successfully pass the test to be a STAN student, the cardigan would be mine. He needed a long time to think but finally he said yes. The announcement day came, and I knew he would pass the test. Yes, he did. He gave the cardigan to me as what he had promised me to. He came to my house and gave it. I won the game. When giving the cardigan, he said that I had to wear it well. He wanted me to take care of the cardigan and he also said that he wanted to see me wearing that cardigan when we meet years later. I said yes, sure. Thank you, Dholi. Thank you for letting me own this. So happy to wear the cardigan.

Drama

I'm watching a drama; a romantic one. I told you. I just told you. So you should've got one thing in your mind now; it's a happy-ending drama or vice versa because it's either drama or romance. I'm really enjoying the drama played by some people playing their part enjoyably. Nothing could instruct me to give my attention for any other thing but the stage where the drama's being played. They're treating my eyes, ears, and heart good. To watch this drama is free of charge. I got the ticket free. And you know? I'm the only audience watching the drama, making me could choose any seat I want. When I came in to this place, I looked around and found no one but the players after the big red curtain was pulled aside. I was so dissatisfied as well as happy. Dissatisfaction came from the fact that I was alone in audience area. Happiness came from the fact I could choose where to sit down. I'm alone. Drama was so boring at the beginning but confusing after that. I'm now confused about the story since I have two points of view of my own about the story excluding point of view constructed by the director. I just moved to this seat from my first seat. This is the 7th time. I feel like every time I move to another seat, my point of view of the story changes automatically. I get many things from these two different points of view. I laughed so hard, I cried a river, and I smiled so widely. This story is so interesting. I feel like they are not acting. I feel like they are just playing their own life in a stage. I feel them. Mostly 2 of all players. The drama is still going on and I think I cannot sit here any longer.

Wait a minute. I am gonna move to another seat right now.    

***       
           
Okay. I'm now in a new seat I have never sat before. The seat is between the two seats I chose before. I hope I'll get a new point of view here in order to get a more general opinion about the story. The stage still looks on fire now but I have no idea about the end; sad or happy. I choose not to react. No laughter, no tears, no smile. I just want to watch the drama without getting involved to far. Let me do it because I love watching or listening to someone's complicated love story just to make my self belive that love exists to color life.

Embung?

Di postingan sebelum ini, gue cerita tentang tempat namanya Embung Langgeran. Awalnya gue sempet mengernyitkan dahi sih pas denger namanya yang sedikt aneh dan unik itu. Kata "embung" akhir-akhir ini sering mampir di pikiran gue. Kalo di kamus gue sih kata "embung" itu sama artinya kata "ogah", "emoh", dan "ngga mau". Gue sendiri lebih sering pake kata "embung" kalo ngomong sehari-hari ketimbang sodara-sodaranya itu. Tapi ternyata kata "embung" itu ngga setenar dan se-universal yang gue kira. Banyak lawan bicara gue yang balik nanya arti kata "embung" itu apa pas gue ngomong kata itu. Di lingkungan gue, terutama keluarga, kata "embung" udah sering banget dipake dari jaman dulu, begitu juga di lingkungan pergaulan gue. Eh tapi pernah sih ada temen SMA gue yang ngga tau apa artinya waktu gue ngomong kata itu. Apalagi di lingkungan gue di Nangor. Di lingkungan gue di Nangor kayanya malah ngga ada yang kenal kata "embung" deh. Gue jadi bertanya-tanya ini sebenernya kata "embung" ini aslinya bahasa apa sih. Apa ternyata kata "embung" ini emang ngga seumum dan seterkenal yang gue kira? Apa cuma segelintir orang kaya gue doang yang tau? Sampai akhirnya tadi siang gue baca buku Pidi Baiq yang judulnya Drunken Marmut dan tadaaaaa, gue nemu ini :)

Postingan ini emang ngga penting banget sih emang kaya postingan lainnya di blog ini tapi entah gue pengen banget bahas kata "embung" ini. Heheh kadang-kadang yang penting itu cuma sebatas melihat hal-hal yang ngga penting kan :)

Embung Langgeran

I always feel so happy visiting a new place. It doesn't have to be an luxurious place, a high-class place, or a high-budgeted place to visit. I always love to be where I haven't been before and it'll be so much happier when I'm able to visit those places together with people I love. Few days ago, my brother in law took me to a new place in Gunungkidul; Embung Langgeran. Really new place for me. It's going to be a tourism place but it's now under development. Only few people were there when I visited it, making me enjoy everything there so much without any crowd like other tourism places. All I saw was green, green, and green. So beautiful nature of Gunungkidul. I was so thankful because I got a chance to be one of visitors when the place was so "virgin" and not as commercial as other favourite tourism places, when only few people knew that place. There's a synthetic lake on the top of hill and from that place and all I could see was all green; really a beautiful view. That place is surrounded by a great stone mountain. I'm not good enough in describing so instead of making you confused, I give you some pictures.

Pick

We once picked the same thing. That's why we both may not pick you. It means that you also have the big chance not to pick both of us. Or it's just you who are not lucky enough to be with both of us? I guess, yes.

Rindu; Pilu

Menyesap cangkir rindu di hari Minggu. Hujan gerimis berlomba menyeruak rongga tanah yang aku saksikan dari dalam rumah ibu. Aromanya memperparah sesak di dada, mengalir lewat pembuluh darah, dan bergumul di relung-relung kepala. Pilu semakin menggunung. Aku biarkan ia menari-nari di ujung mata. Aku ingin bersaba mengantarkan rindu pulang tapi hujan tak kunjung menarik diri. Aku di sini saja, termangu di rumah ibu sambil merindu kamu.